Dagbok

A Quiet Watcher

This day – the day before Christmas Eve – we use(d) to call ”Little Christmas Eve”. We tasted the Christmas food. We were allowed to open one present. We had a really cosy evening. That’s how it was. Seems so long ago just now. I kept this tradition when I had my own family. We even celebrated once in a dry riverbed in the desert in United Arab Emirates. 1983 I think. Now is a different time. ”Yesterday is dead and gone” as Kris Kristoferson sings. My daughters doesn’t eat meat or celebrate Christmas. My son thinks otherwise. More like me.

circumstances
made christmas dead and gone
empty seats

Since I’m not a believer I don’t celebrate Christmas but I like some traditions. Like spending time together with my family. So I miss that now. Very much.

Some day I will bring my grandchildren to experience the Nutcracker in Budapest. Some day!
Today I went to an contemporary dance performance for children. It was just so very great!

air filled
bubbles of children’s emotions
cracking event

I can also go to church at special occasions – just to watch the rituals people are busy with. As behaviorist I’m very interested – all the time – in people’s behavior and everyday life wherever I am. I’m a quiet watcher.

But not ”quiet” about everyday life relating to politics. Consequences of bad politics I want to highlight. Sometimes also the good. I like to compare Sweden and Hungary as I think they are opposites in EU. I find it interesting to follow. Observe.

dedication
children’s welfare and schooling
my life

I think – maybe – it has been a lot about me personally lately. Sometimes it happens. And that’s ok for me – here.

I have had Bach in the background but tonight I’m afraid he didn’t engage me very much.

finally
a red heavy glass of wine
tasting your kiss
full bodied as usual
how lucky I am

Carpe Diem: #1105 Christmas Oratorio:
Cantata #1 BWV 248 – Mov. 1/9 by J.S. Bach.

I think this entry works better with:

Carpe Diem: Seven Days Before Christmas 2016 #7
Twas The Night Before Christmas.

I will make another for Bach 🙂

Cracking Nut Cracker

Today I went to see the Nutcracker. This was a special performance for children in Budapest. It was performed as contemporary dance and the child perspective was obvious. I enjoyed so much. Think I have never seen something like this. It was just great and I could feel all kinds of emotions in the air. The kids were all swallowed up by the performance – end we grown ups too. At a few occasions the audience was involved. The children especially liked the snow ball war with the actors.
Oh how I would like to bring my grandchildren to see this.

cracking
five empty seats
and mine

Snow ball war – I picked up my iPhone to shoot.

Wonderful dancers!!!! Szeged Contemporary Dance Co.

Outside MÜPA – the building that changes colors – you also can skate nowadays. See top photo.

Daly Prompt: Discover.

Music ‘n Muscles

My hot bath today turned out to be very peaceful and relaxing. Though Mungo Jerry was first out with ”Summertime”. If you listen carefully it’s not only rushy. It’s goes very well for a mermaid to make her moves in a nice flow. I tested and I liked it. And I would love to be that woman ”on your mind”. Dreaming away – to summer times.
Now next up was Leonard Cohen and ”So long Marianne”. Muscles are now warm and soft so the mermaid opened up to the music. I thought about the ”So long” both to LC and his Marianne this year.

music ‘n muscles
mermaid ready to move away
all pain

Well he didn’t want to leave until he had that ”Last Dance” – which I had saved for him. I was happy and I shook loose my shoulders. One more dance. And he left – it couldn’t be more calm – like as everything around was totally weightless. Me too.

Daily Prompt: Calm.

But Not – For Flowers

I just made a picture. Or the Picture wanted to be made by me. So it is! I use to listen when pictures want to be painted. Sometimes with pens, crayons and pencils I – myself – don’t like very much. I listen and do it anyway.

When Picture was made I gave it a name. That I am allowed to do actually. Picture got the name ”Locker”. And for a while – when studying the Picture – I wondered:

-What is it you want to tell me?

Then I said:

-Why are you so right on the point (almost) always!?

open minded
though the locker is closed – but not
for flowers

I saved and went to my emailbox. Now I find that one of my favorit haiku writers had made a beautiful poem about locked. My picture is named ”Locker”.

I think …

-the open window with the flattering curtain – to the right – is the ”open minded”
-the locker keeps ”something very important” safe
-”but not – for flowers” is so enormous interesting so I have to go on thinking about this

What could it mean?

Another Kind of Candle

On my way home today. I walked towards the Cathedral and a poem popped up in my head. (I live just behind the church.)

not so long
way to the other side
of religion

I’m not religious as you know. But when I grew up everybody around me were. As child – visiting the church – I always thought the priests told lies. Couldn’t understand how people could believe what the priests said. I’m interested in facts – not what few people make up in their fantasy and then try to make it true for a mass.
Sure Jesus once lived and he probably had a very good hearted life philosophy.

It also happens with ”facts” in times. Thinking about when the earth was believed to be flat. So I wonder a lot about:

-What do we believe to be very true today – and tomorrow will be proved as wrong and seen as the madness of our time? Maybe about the climate? Maybe about our planet? Our place in Universe? I would very very much like to know …

free ticket
for a ride in the dark world
to turn on the light
covered waited in endless queue
while the button was set broken

Perhaps that one was too mysterious?

wise people
talking the speech of facts ‘n truth
my candles
as interesting people’s questions
provide imaginative power and fantasy

“We are all atheists about most of the gods that humanity has ever believed in. Some of us just go one god further.”
― Richard Dawkins

”Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by the rulers as useful.” Lucius Annaeus Seneca.

Carpe Diem: Seven Days Before Christmas 2016 #5 candles.

Mother of All Pearls

Out in the crowd. Camera settings with blue filter. To light up my day. Thinking about killings and attacks. Sad but definitely not scarred or frightened. Thought that if I had that stupid, monstrous terrible brain … where would I place … I was sure of where. So I took the metro just to that place. It was the end station. Above is the Christmas Market. And I wasn’t the only one thinking … Three very well armed and equipped men stood steadily and watched us when we got out from the train. I asked very polite:

-May I shoot you?

So sorry I didn’t get that photo!
But I was lucky today. Bought myself a heart decorated ceramic cup for my green chai tea. I also found my dress. Now it needs a neckless. And I know what kind. A Native American style in black and a few silver pearls decorated with mother-of-pearl. Maybe I can make it myself.

nacre sunset
when shells are tumbling
in salted waves
showing up to each other
the most glory mother-of-pearl

I listen to the music and I can see the shells and the shiny ”mother of all pearls”.
Can you?

Carpe Diem: #1103.
Symphony in F sharp minor Op. 41 by Dora Pejacevic.

ART – Winter Auction 2016

First I thought I would stay at home. Then I told myself:
-Birgitta, get yourself together! You know you like to be there! Watch people. Look at the art. Have a glas of Champagne. Or two. Dress up a little. Put on the high heels. Even if you have to pay with devil like pain all day after – osteoarthritis in toes – which doesn’t keep me away from walking. I also have good-for-my-feet-walking-boots.

I listened to myself and I didn’t regret doing that. The auction was really interesting and the art as well. This one gave the highest price while I was still there – I left before end.

Two were fighting after 60 000 000 huf where all the others left. It ended up at 170 000 000 huf. It was a stunning painting and framing too. I liked it a lot.
I see now they also choose this as head picture on the Facebook page.

The auction is very professional and the lady – the auctioneer – is a talent! I am very fascinated about how she handles all the bids given.

I can follow the bids on the screen and I try hard to learn Hungarian – very hard.

The catalog is heavy and since it will take hours – I left before end. I walked along the Danube. Shot the Buda Castle as I use to do in evening light. Went on to the Christmas market.

And what do I find in the street beside the great Vigado Consert building!!!

A military tank! With ”POLICE” sign on. Passing people took selfies. I shot the tank. Talked to some Hungarians who didn’t speak English. We didn’t understand what we said to each other but we understood anyway. We felt safe and thought this was very smart. No terrorist lorry could pass here. Me giving the tank a friendly pat.

Till mina kära skrivpuffarkompisar,
Kan man möjligen hitta någon intressant detalj här – jag hoppas på det. Själv hittade jag en på översta bilden. Tror herrn på den bilden gjorde detsamma.
Ha en finfin dag!

Like Snow in Sunshine

No snow here – yet. And I am glad for that. I have already had all snow I need in this life. Now I only want sunshine and a blue sky. Not for sunbathing! Just for feeling-so-good. And that awesome feeling with less clothes – I hate winter clothes and I hate putting on and putting on to keep warm! Now I am heading for spring in my mind so I have already bought tickets for Dance festival in February and Spring festival in April.
Anybody wants to join?

spread out
like snow in sunshine
butterfly wings

And that Christmas! I’m not in stress – lucky me – the only stress I feel is that I couldn’t find Jane Reichhold’s translation of Matsuo Basho. They didn’t even know about the book!!!! Have to wait until I am back home – in Scandinavia. No Christmas present to me then. Have to do with goat cheese, kolbasz, seed crackers and red wine …. and of course Carpe Diem. Maybe Carol Oates too 😉

Carpe Diem: Seven Days Before Christmas 2016 #4 first snow.

The Weakest Strength

First I must say – Kristjaan – Host of Carpe Diem – You are fantastic! This journey you bring us on is amazing. Music and poetry goes very well along and you put such an effort in this – I would never have known about so many talanted female composers if not for you. You are my HERO of December – Just saying!!!!!

Now – just at home after visiting an art auction and passing through the greatest Christmas Market in Budapest – …. oh so many new experiences … !!! – I sit down and turn on the music – and the first feeling I get is – this touches my soul!

And in the other end – of cyber – my granddaughter – she just sent a new song -she recorded- to me. She sings and play the guitar and the piano. So lovely!

My senses are overwhelmed – and I love it!

with music
comes the strongest weakness
a spider leg

with music
comes the weakest strength
a spider web

I like when contrasts meet. It’s challenging and exciting. And a great start for ….

Carpe Diem: #1102
Symphony No. 4 Op. 50 by Johanna Senfter.

Faltering Steps

Trying to catch that special mood …

in the moonlight
with cane and faltering steps
cherry blossoms

… for writing poetry …

wondering
around in my own steps
or somebody else’s

… while listening to music …

sårade hjärtan
och flydda själar
byter plats

hurt hearts
and away fled souls
change places

… lots of lost hearts and lost souls in our world … to many indeed …
… with a war going on … mothers, fathers and children are losing their homes and many – far too many – their lives …

neither hurt hearts
should walk soldiers shoes
nor away fled souls
or soldiers
some tomorrow

Now I just have to choose one of the most beautiful songs about – NOT WAR.
Lars Winnerbäck sang when Dalai Lama visited Sweden 2011 and His Holiness personally thanked LW.

I will work more with the translation in English because it’s much more poetic in Swedish. But hopefully it gives an idea about the content.

Ingen Soldat av Lars Winnerbäck 2009
Lyrics;

Himlen faller ner,
det svider till där kniven skar,
jag har varit vaken hela natten,
känt om hjärtat sitter kvar,
känt om hjärtat sitter kvar.Jag har litat på imorgon
som en troende tror.
Jag skulle gjort så annorlunda
om jag gick i andra skor,
om jag gick i andra skor.

Jag är ingen soldat,
jag har inga vapen att ta till,
inga korståg jag vill gå,
ställ mig inte i ett led,
du får mig aldrig att stå still,
jag fungerar inte då,
jag är ingen soldat,
jag tänker inte så.

Jag har härjat krig i huset,
jag har härjat krig i mig,
mina ögonlock är tunga nu
snart drömmer jag om dig,
snart drömmer jag om dig.

Jag har aldrig stått vid fronten
eller försvarat det jag har.
Men i skärvorna och flagorna
ligger ändå allting kvar,
ligger allting ändå kvar

jag är ingen soldat,
har inga vapen att ta till,
inga korståg jag vill gå,
ställ mig inte i ett led,
du får mig aldrig att stå still,
jag fungerar inte då,
jag är ingen soldat,
jag tänker inte så.

I rispan från min vrede,
ska jag sätta jord och så,
i skuggan av din stolthet
ska jag resa mig och gå.

Jag är ingen soldat,
jag har inga vapen att ta till,
inga korståg jag vill gå,
ställ mig inte i ett led,
du får mig aldrig att stå still,
jag fungerar inte då.

jag är ingen soldat,
jag har inga vapen att ta till,
inga korståg jag vill gå,
ställ mig inte i ett led,
du får mig aldrig att stå still,
jag fungerar inte då,
jag är ingen soldat,
ingen soldat,
jag tänker inte så

Ingen Soldat av Lars Winnerbäck 2009
Lyrics;

The sky is falling down,
it hurts where the knife cuts,
I’ve been awake all night,
Felt wether my heart’s still there,
felt if the heart remains.I have trusted in tomorrow
as a believer believes.
I would have done so different
I was walking in other shoes,
I was walking in other shoes.

I’m not a soldier,
I have no weapons to take,
no crusade, I want to go,
set me not in a line,
you get me never to stand still,
I do not work like that,
I’m not a soldier,
I dont think that way.

I have ravaged war in the house,
I have ravaged war in me,
My eyelids are heavy now
Soon I will dream about you,
Soon I will dream about you.

I have never been at the front
or defended what I have.
But in shards and flakes
Everything is still left,
everything is still there

I’m not a soldier,
have no weapons to take,
no crusade, I want to go,
set me not in a line,
you get me never to stand still,
I do not function that way,
I’m not a soldier,
I don’t think like that.

In the scratch of my wrath,
I will put soil and plant,
in the shadow of your pride
I will get up and go.

I’m not a soldier,
I have no weapons to take,
no crusade, I want to go,
set me not in a line,
you get me never to stand still,
I do not work like that.

I’m not a soldier,
I have no weapons to take,
no crusade, I want to go,
set me not in a line,
you get me never to stand still,
I do not function then,
I’m not a soldier,
no soldier,
I don’t think that way.

Skrivpuff: Ärligt talat.

Skyller på julen att det blir lite märkliga inlägg – ärligt talat 😉